Who here is having a heck of a time dealing with kids and their screens? Or your spouse and their screen? Or even YOURSELF and your screen?
Where are the edges? There are no natural stopping and starting points for screens in the time of Coronavirus. Screens are entertainment, time wasters, our social life, our work, their education. It’s truly never ending? What’s a parent to do?
Here’s what I think, we have to both calm down AND stay connected to our values and limits. We address screen limits, and it’s not THE ONLY thing we address. Remember, kids wasted time, were obnoxious, fought with their siblings, were bored and complained long before the smartphone was invented. Take a deep breath when it comes to the screen – and let’s not give up.
Here are 5 ways to deal with screens in a calm & connected way.
1. Set wake up and bedtimes for the screen, works well if it’s the same for everyone. Works better when you’ve asked your kid’s opinions Works best if the kid’s opinions are part of the solution. Then UPHOLD those screen wake up and bedtimes.
2. Ask curiosity questions and be truly curious.
“What’s the best Tiktok?”
“What happens in your brain when screen time is over?”
“How can our family have realistic, reasonable, fun and healthy screen limits?”
“What’s the MOST unfair thing about our limits?”
Use some of that new knowledge to make limits more workable for your kids.
3. Consider and jot down what you wish they were doing. Once you have your list, instead of telling them to do those things, invite them to do those things.
Reading: “How about after dinner we leave the dishes and flop on the couch to free-read for 30 minutes?”
Cooking: “Hey, I heard there is a Chick-fil-A recipe we can make at home, I’d love your help.”
Nature walks: “The dog needs a walk, would you join me in the woods. After, let’s watch that episode you wanted to show me.”
4. Expect despair when you uphold the limit. Children are very, very under-employed. They will cry and roll on the ground to see if the screen limit will budge. It’s not that they are bad, or you are a jerk, it’s just that everybody loves their screen and no one wants to be pushed around!
5. Enjoy the screen with your kids. Watch their videos, laugh at their memes, endure some shows and movies they pick. When we do this we find more common ground, some things to giggle about and helps dinner conversation be more engaging and inclusive.
Screens in the time of Coronoavirus is a challenge, be easy on yourself and your kids, be clear about the limits you do set, and uphold them with as much mutual respect and dignity you can muster.