When we keep bumping into the same problem, like teeth brushing, room cleaning, or dishwasher clearing, we tend to try all sorts of ineffective things at inconsistent times. One day we get very, very serious and KAPOWEE!
“If you don’t brush your teeth every day, you are paying for your own dental care.”
“Whatever is on that floor when I come upstairs is getting donated.”
“Ok fine, don’t do the dishwasher and forget about going out this weekend.”
We accidentally, unconsciously, mix very serious with fairly inconsistent. What if we flipped this on its head and combine extremely consistent with fairly lighthearted?
This takes a lot of upfront work. It asks us to be organized, reliable, and follow through. Consider, though, what’s to be gained. We have a better chance of getting that task actually done on a regular basis. We plump the relationship with our beloved children. We spare everyone from yelling, anger, and blowing up.
Teeth Brushing. Do they like to brush their teeth with us? Could we ditch sugar during the week and enforce just once-a-day brushing? Then—consistently and with compassion and humor—reach a hand out and sing a little ditty to our child that it’s tooth-brushing time.
Bedrooms. Do bedrooms need de-cluttering? Have the children touched those art project gifts from three years ago? Does every stuffy need to live on the bed? Do they tidy best when we are in the room or when they are alone? Do they like music when they tidy? One parent of five kids shared that by the time she got down to kid 4 and 5 she realized it was much more effective to pop by their rooms every evening with a cup of tea, lay on their beds and interact consistently and casually with them about dirty clothes in bin, books picked up, trash in trash bin. Consistent connection worked so much better than berating them every few weeks when she really got mad.
Dishwasher. Could it be that the 11-year-old wants to do the dishwasher just at some point before bed? 11-year olds want to feel agency and freedom; they truly hate being told what to do. Could we just rinse and stack breakfast dishes and be willing to cook dinner once the dishwasher is re-booted? Maybe one text reminder, “When the dishwasher is cleared the tacos shall commence!”
Mix consistency with humor, follow-through with compassion and you might untangle some of the day-to-day tensions and make more room for fun and cooperation.