We parents feel strong and overwhelming feelings too!
I’ve been feeling and fielding lots of overwhelm and strong emotion questions from parents, friends and family this week. Are you feeling the overwhelm too? Here’s one poignant question a concern parent asked me.
Question: My child saw me crying, did I damage them?
Answer: Crying is such a normal physiological response to stress. And boy are we stressed and overwhelmed. Crying in front of our kids every now and then isn’t a problem, as long as they know we can handle our lives (and so they feel we can help them handle their lives). If we’ve lost it and our child sees us, or we cry in front of them here’s what we can do.
Ask them for comfort, a hug, a smile, a joke, a silly tik-tok.
Explain that crying is a way to release emotions, much like laughing hard, or yelling in anger, or any other emotional response. Crying comes and goes. Nothing in itself to be concerned over.
If we are really sobbing, like heaving sobbing, ask for a few minutes and go to the bathroom. Splash some cold water on our face and do some deep breathing. Go back out and give that hug.
Put them to use solving a problem. Be sure it’s not a big thorny, scary, adult problem, those need another adult brain. But if a portion of what is upsetting it is something they can help with, engage their brains and creativity. “Hey, I have an important work call tomorrow at 2pm, what can be done so the house is quiet for 45 minutes?” Or, “That mess in the living room is hurting my feet, how can we both clean it up so I don’t get hurt and that awesome fort stays up?”
If overwhelming feelings are coming on stronger, be sure to reach out for help to a trusted friend or a therapist. Remember, when you need help you are being courageous to ask for it. We want to model courage and asking for help for our kids.
Click for a quick refresher on how to use that Non-Anxious Presence idea as your North Star.