Parents usually fall into one of two camps when it comes to talking about the latest alarming event in the news. One group avoids talking about it, believing if they don’t speak of it, their kids won’t worry about it. The second group over explains or lectures about the event. They usually give too much information and leave no space for the child to talk, question, and process. Let’s find the magic middle.

1. Are your ready? First, determine if you are in a calm, nonreactive frame of mind. Emotions are contagious. If you are carrying a lot of emotion—anxiety, anger, outrage—you invariably pass that on to our children. Only once you are calm, grounded, and in an open state of mind are you ready to broach the conversation.

2. Start with questions.“What do you think about the event?” or “What are your friends saying about the event?” Factor in their age and inquire, “Where are you getting your information about the event?” Then listen, really listen. Refrain from talking and really absorb their thoughts and concerns. Next, ask follow-up questions, “Tell me more about that.” “How often are you worrying about this?” Listen again.

3. Provide encouragement. Encouragement is such a beautiful parenting tool. It can be used during happy times and stressful times. Notice and comment how well they describe the scary event. Or be grateful they reach out to you for support. Acknowledge what a thoughtful, sensitive and positive part of the family they are. Give a hug. Sometimes that’s all kids need to process difficult things; to be heard, understood, and hugged.

4. The Circle Back. Sometimes you might feel anxious that you have to tell them everything in one conversation. You think you must explain, reassure and keep talking until you are certain they are not anxious. Too much talking usually closes communication channels. Instead, try “The Circle Back” strategy in your back pocket. Know that kids do better with shorter and frequent conversations than a big “one and done” kind. You can go back around a few days later, “ I’ve been thinking about our conversation and there are a few things I wanted to add, is now a good time?” “Curious, any more questions about the event?”

Remember, we simply can’t fix everything for our kids. And even if we could, it wouldn’t be good for them. Our job is to model resilience and assure kids that our families are strong and capable. And remember, things like hugging, cuddling, and enjoying our children are ways to communicate reassurance, reduce stress, and get through hard things together.