A little less of this . . . then let me know what happens
Who is up for a CHALLENGE?!
Anyone else want parenting to be as easy as, "I told them . . . blah, blah, blah." Then from the TELLING the child will CHANGE. Ummmmmm, how's that working?
Let's take a week and change up our game. Here's some transformations from "I told them . . " to inspire you to take NEW action and possibly get a NEW result.
BEFORE: I told him to have his karate pants ready or I wasn't driving. In the moment, I yelled and shamed him WHILE finding his karate. Berated him in the car that I would NEVER do it again. Reminded him the next week to prepare. Lather. Rinse. Repeat.
AFTER: I asked him the night before if he had everything ready for karate and offered to help. He declined. About 5 minutes before we needed to leave for karate I informed the household I was going to the car to be ready to drive to karate. I went to the car. I put on a podcast. I waited. 5 minutes AFTER we were supposed to leave the child came out with a karate top and sweats. The world kept spinning. It was magic.
BEFORE: I told them they HAVE to wake up on time. I am serious THIS time. I couldn't take it after the third snooze and went up and yelled at them to come down.
AFTER: I offered to get another alarm clock for the hallway if they thought it would help to get up out of bed. I gave them a $30 budget. The next morning I went for a walk during the snooze time. I came home and everyone was still asleep, alarms blaring. Eventually they woke up, they had missed the bus. We had pre-arranged how they could get to school using Uber with THEIR allowance. They hurled some insults at me that I wasn't helping, they got ready and UBERed to school. The world kept spinning. It was magic.
BEFORE: I told them to stop fighting. I got up and went to where they were fighting and yelled at them and punished the older one because he was mean. Then I had to follow through with the punishment of no play date and had to endure 45 minutes of complaining. I told him to stop complaining, he wouldn't so I took the phone away.
AFTER: The fighting was bothering me. I got up and went to where they were fighting. I invited one of them, with my hand outstretched, my body language serene and escorted them to their bedroom. I then requested 30 minutes of alone time for all of us. I read the paper.
INSTEAD OF:
"I told them. . . . "
TRY
I asked him . . . . (and then I listened).
I got up and pointed to the item that needed to be put away.
I de-cluttered the bedroom so the child could clean it up in 15 minutes.
I washed the clothes that were in the hamper.
I stopped buying microwave popcorn for two weeks because no one could remember to throw out the bag.
I offered to help BEFORE the stressful time. I did what the child requested (often times they don't want our help so we get to do NOTHING).