Our 22 year old son, Theo, came home for a month to work remotely and celebrate the holidays. He was a picky eating child. I did all the right things, and I did all the wrong things to try to woo him into vegetable eating. People with picky eaters, you feel me? He’s currently living on his own, perfectly healthy. That didn’t stop me though from unconsciously starting a power struggle with him, “Theo, you don’t eat broccoli still? What about Brussel sprouts?” My tone was condescending, exasperated, accusatory.
After a wee bit of interrogation, he said, “Mom, why don’t we start with me telling you all the vegetables I do eat.”
What? Such a BETTER way to communicate - begin with a strength and build on that. Genius. I felt my shoulders drop, the armor and bracing come down and I said, “Great idea, tell me!” He went on to rattle off a list that was surprising to me and encouraging.
Is there anywhere you could communicate more positively around an historically hot topic (messy rooms, sibling fighting, homework, bedtime, screen time)?
Remember, our kids are are much more likely to be in conversation and solve problems with us when they feel loved, admired and understood.
Follow Theo’s lead and start your conversations with what is going right!