I laughed, I cried, I saw my strengths, I cringed at my faults during Vicki Hoefle's workshop, Growing a Grown-Up. Vicki makes the everyday parenting foibles universal, hilarious and understandable. I recommend her book, Duct Tape Parenting to any and all. If you don't have it, click, click, CLICK and get one now!
We walked through a Road Map exercise, which I think is utter genius. We plot where we are on a given topic and where we want to be. One box for me, one box for my child. There are lots of steps on the way, but what really, REALLY struck me was the part of WHO DO I NEED TO BECOME in order for the FAMILY, CHILD, RELATIONSHIP to bloom in the way I am looking for.
UGH. I don't wanna change, I want THEM to change. Once THEY change, I can be the parent I wanna be. Easy peasy, lemon squeezy.
Alas, turns out Vicki is a badass. No whining. No sugar coating. No beating around the bush. Into the heart of darkness we go! I discovered I use "disappointed" and "controlling" as a way to get my kids to help make dinner. Guess what I get in return? Those children of mine "ignore" me and "don't do it". My solution, just cook the damn dinner myself and be all martyr-y and complain-y and overall sit in a stew of false superiority.
On my map I plotted who I wanted to become and what came up for me was "delighted" and "flexible". I want my kids to to be "creative" and "capable".
Of course I want to START with THEM. "Ok guys, you two need to be more capable and creative, and then I will be delighted and flexible, but UNTIL YOU change I will remain tight lipped, demanding, controlling and disappointed. Thanks! Love you."
Darn it Vicki! Thank you . . . . . .