Say What?!
Yes, it's the worst! Paradox and ambiguity are here to stay, whether we like it or not. Who else needs a good long suffer before they accept reality?
Here's what I'm talking about, people:
Paradox: If you want to get really serious about something, lighten up. Especially with kids. If we want them to clean their rooms we need to make cleaning up easier (de-clutter), a habit (yo! we are in charge of routines), and not-stressful (no yelling that you are donating every gosh durn thing that is still on the floor when you come up to check on them in 5 minutes).
Ambiguity: When we decide NOT to do things for our child that they can do themselves (get dressed, finish homework, make their own lunch) they may or they may not end up doing things the way we want them to. We can never be sure if the message we are sending is the message they are receiving, for a refresher check out People are Prisms.
Paradox: When we START working out (or doing our taxes, or tidying our house or de-cluttering our basement) when we don't EVEN FEEL like it, we often find that 10 minutes in we FEEL like keeping going. When we WAIT until we FEEL like it, we keep on waiting, and waiting, and waiting, anyone, Bueller?
Ambiguity: Wendy Mogel, author of Blessing's of Skinned Knee, describes children as unmarked seed packets. We might flourish in a harsh weather environment, with hot summers and cold winters. Our child might flourish in an equatorial hot and humid climate. Remember, an easy 8 year old might hit some speed bumps at 15. A tantrumy 4 year old might be a delightful tween. Again, we just don't know for sure.
In my experience, when reality has been accepted there is a new energy source, a new creativity and some new solutions to my problems. I'm not saying you are going to like, but after you practice and accept, you just might! (See what I did there? I used BOTH paradox AND ambiguity).