Recovering Nice People, Unite!

Are you TOO nice, TOO sweet?

Are you TOO nice, TOO sweet?

I am a recovering NICE person. I used to handle all my problems by ‘nice-ing’ people, until I realized it actually wasn't very kind, honest, effective, relationship building or fun.

NICE is a big fat cloak for controlling, allergic to conflict, and bossy. I'm not talking about being kind and thoughtful. Being NICE instead of expecting everyone to meet the needs of the situation. Being NICE in order to rescue people from their mistakes - over and over and over. Being NICE so that people doesn't blow. Being NICE as a crazy town insurance policy that the person you are NICEing will be NICE back (one day .  . . hopefully. . . right?).

Consider that NICE people have problems with limits and boundaries. If someone steps over my limit or boundary (probably communicated in a wishy-washy and NICE fashion), I don’t address it directly. Instead, NICE people conjure up tons of self-righteous indignation on the inside - or I share my outrage with a close friend (gossiping, eek! that’s not very NICE). I never address the heart of the matter — that I'm furious with my beloveds (spouse, child, parent) actions.

Here's my hunch, nice people feel if WE are angry WE can CONTROL the anger and situation. If the other person is angry, well that's scary and unpredictable and the anger might mean rejection. We absorb, absorb, absorb , , and you know what happens then? Resentment, resentment, resentment. BUT we can't SAY anything because we have been pretending for so long that their bad moods, their demands, their infringing on our boundaries didn't bug us. How can we be real after we have been such a phony baloney? Sigh . . . . 

NICE people, let's dip our collective toes into the perceived "Dark Side" and see what happens if we only carry the weight of only OURSELVES in our relationships. Let’s STOP absorbing other peoples crap, or tolerating shitty behavior, or allowing others to scoop up our life energy.

Assertiveness, standing up for ourselves, is a foreign language so us NICE people are gonna get it wrong. We will speak it with a heavy accent of accommodation and insecurity. Luckily, we can count on our family to give us lots of practice.

**If you are not NICE yourself, you probable live with a NICE person, read and learn, and STOP taking advantage of their NICENESS!