We Can't Get to the North Star, PEOPLE!

Woodrow Wilson

Woodrow Wilson

Because, although you steer by the North Star, when you have lost the bearings of your compass, you nevertheless must steer in a pathway on the sea, -- you are not bound for the North Star.  

Woodrow Wilson

Here's the the thing, in both parenting and organizing, no matter how hard we try, we are never getting to the North Star. Our idea of a perfect family will help steer us and motivate us, but let's not let it defeat us when we can't actually find our way there. The trouble with aiming for the North Star is we get confused and frustrated when we find ourselves still on the open and choppy sea of family life. The truth is, people living with people is a messy operation and we will never figure it all out. Take a minute to lay on your deck chair and gaze up and see the perfectly nutritious family meals seven days a week, the two polite, neat and respectful children, the on time and grateful spouse and see your own self, calm and serene.  Feel your shoulders relax and sigh and smile.

 Then get up and steer your big old noisy, boisterous and unpredictable boat the best you can!

 

 

Loving Limits

Sometimes I fear that when parents learn about 'democratic' parenting they hear, 'be nice' and forget about the rest. This quote by Teddy Roosevelt from a letter written to his son, Kermit, sums up so beautifully how people we love the most can be helped and nourished by firm and kind limits.

Greatly tho I loved Mother I was at times thoughtless and selfish, and if Mother had been a mere unhealthy Patient Griselda, I might have grown set in selfish and inconsiderate ways. Mother, always tender, gentle and considerate, and always loving, yet when necessary pointed out where I was thoughtless and therefore inconsiderate and selfish, instead of submitting to it. Had she not done this it would in the end have made her life very much harder, and mine very much less happy.
— The Last Romantic, H.W. Brands

Kids Rooms: 15 Minutes, Doors are Awesome and a Bonus

Being both an organizer and parent educator, I get lots of questions about kids rooms.  Here are my thoughts.

1.  Do not spend too much time angsting about them or decorating them.  Every few years what they love, are passionate about and ABSOLUTELY can't live without changes. Ditch the matching wallpaper and thematic rugs, give the room some good bones - a sturdy bed, ample book cases and plenty of empty and open spaces.

2.  Focus on having only as many objects as a kid can pick up in 15 minutes.  (What?). Yes, it's our job as leaders in our families to edit our kids rooms down to 15 minutes to picked up.

3.   Doors on cabinets and cupboards can help a room get ship shape in 15 minutes, without having to be perfect.  

See how beautiful this looks, a sleek bedroom cabinet! 

See how beautiful this looks, a sleek bedroom cabinet!

 

And look, I live in the world of reality, kids can be kids!  Win. Win.

And look, I live in the world of reality, kids can be kids!  Win & Win.

4.  The bonus tip is to decide that only a few things live in the kids room. Books, stuffed animals and sleeping accoutrement are my personal favorites. It isn't that legos, and board games, and crafts don't creep in, it's that when it's time to clean up it's very easy to spot and evict the squatters!

Please, no chairs in the bedroom . . .

Really easy organizing tip, no chairs in the bedroom (unless you sit on it every day to do something other then put your shoes on).  I could blather on for paragraphs about how chairs become like the first broken window in the neighborhood and then the neighborhood goes down the tubes and blah, blah, blah . . . . But these photos say it all.

 

 

You throw one random sweater on a chair, turn your back and it multiplies. . . . 

You throw one random sweater on a chair, turn your back and it multiplies. . . . 

Hah . .  a chair made of clothes!

Hah . .  a chair made of clothes!

Underused Parenting Tool #23: Have FUN Yourself.

Sometimes we parents focus on maybe one or two tools in the vast array of options in the parenting tool box. I am beginning  a semi-regular series of posts highlighting some awesome tools we often overlook, neglect or just plain didn't know were there. They are in no particular order, so I will assign random numbers to them, just for fun.

Have FUN yourself.  We underestimate the good that comes from simply having old fashioned fun ourselves. We focus on improving our kids or improving ourselves, and sometimes, in a pinch, improving our spouse or partner. Instead, go out and have fun yourself. Make your own life bigger, learn something new, go somewhere different, try a new food a new drink a new sport.  

A good friend of mine started this blog to make this underused parenting tool easier for you to find!  Peruse, enjoy, get inspired and HAVE FUN!

http://www.angelinamlopez.com/in-between-in-dc/




School's out for Summer!

Well, it feels so good, for about 2-3 weeks. And then . . . . "Well, what should we do? Hey, turn off that tv. You there, fork over that phone.  WHAT, where did you get my i pad?"  

Are we all there yet?  Has it been 2-3 weeks of vacation?  Does it feel like school will be out FOREVER?! What to do, what to do?  TRAINING!  Train your kids in one chore, (ONE, you over achievers out there, this is NOT AP Summer Vacation).  Ask your child which delectable chore or task they'd be interested in learning to do.  Here are some ideas to get you both thinking.

 

4-5 Years Old:  Set table, make sandwich, clean the bathroom (you never know, my old friend Belinda used to love to clean the toilet, I kid you not).

6-7 Years Old:  Peel and cut veggies for dinner, carry in groceries AND put away, feed and walk the dog.

8-9 Years Old:  Wash (and dry, and fold) their own clothes, prepare a family meal, wash the car (clean out the inside too!).

10 - 11 Years Old:  Run an errand, process incoming mail, clean out and re-organize front closet or kitchen pantry.

12 - 14 Years Old: Research destination on family vacation, learn how to pump gas, de-clutter their rooms, clean out garage (totally - multi day task in sorting, tidying, cleaning, purging, labeling, editing).

 Summer is wonderful time to slow down and train kids. Imagine the time you’ll save when the school year starts again and you find yourself living with a new table setter, laundry folder or garage organizer.

 

 

Even Honest Abe Took Awhile . . . .

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For some reason, in my middle age, I've grown curious about the US Presidents, and often read their biographies. I read with a highlighter in hand to capture quotes I love. Here’s one I love!

“I am slow to learn and slow to forget that which I have learned.  My mind is like a piece of steel, very hard to scratch any thing on it and almost impossible after you get it there to rub it out.” —Abraham Lincoln

I subscribe to the idea that you teach what you need to learn. In both parenting and organizing I teach and train so I can remember and learn. Sometimes I feel bad about myself, like I'm a big old fraud with my nagging ways and messy desk, but then I read this quote and think . . . I just need more review, like Old Honest Abe.  

 

 

The Blooper Reel

Bloopers

We all have them. Sometimes we hide them, sometimes we lie about them, sometimes we try to forget about them. I’m talking about those awful parenting moments when you know you’ve made a giant mistake.  Perhaps you’ve yelled, maybe you forgot to pick someone up, it might be that you laid the shame and blame on a bit too thick, or you were sarcastic and mean, or terse and short tempered.

 

It’s ruined . . . . FOREVER! 

There is one that lives on in our family. We can laugh about it now, but at the moment no one was giggling. Our house had just had the upstairs renovated and I had new, beautiful, white linen drapes installed on the wall of windows in the bedroom. One of my kids was upstairs doing homework in my room and I went casually up to check on him. On the shelf, below the curtain, I noticed a book, a notebook, and an uncapped  sharpie. WHAT?  AN UNCAPPED SHARPIE?  WHAT WAS HE DOING WITH A SHARPIE IN THE FIRST PLACE? I approached the sharpie and what do I see on my linen curtain? A thin green line of permanent marker. I turned on my heel, looked straight in his face and yelled, really yelled, “It’s RUINED . . . . FOREVER!!!!”

 

Love means having to say you are sorry.

Being a smart kid, he high tailed it into his room, apologized and left me alone to freak out. And freak out I did. How could he be so disrespectful? Why can’t we have nice things? Why do they sell sharpies? No one with children should be able to have sharpies in their house. Why? Why Me?  Once that ran it’s course the parenting remorse set in. He didn’t ruin the drapes on purpose. It really could have happened to anyone, and it often does. With my emotions in check, I went in and apologized for losing it, and he apologized for Sharpiegate, and we moved on with our evening. I really was sorry for yelling like a crazy person, and he really was sorry for writing on the drapes. We both apologized and we both remembered that people are more important than things.

 

It’s still there . . .

The faint green line is still on those drapes. I hardly ever notice it, and when I do I smile at the blooper reel that plays in my mind of that evening. It’s a good story now. I tell it in my parenting classes to illustrate how you can lose it, apologize and make up, all in about 30 minutes.  So what’s your blooper reel? Have you apologized for it? Can you laugh at it now? Family life is full of bloopers and luckily we can get up the next day and try again, and again, and again. Maybe some day we’ll all be ready for our close ups!

 

Resolutions for the Holidays

As we enter the crazy season of holidays and vacations and resolutions I’ve been thinking about how our parenting skills can get out of whack and take a beating during this time. Below is a list of holiday and New Years resolutions to ponder.

I resolve to live by “The Less is More” motto.

Less is more toys – let’s just start there.  This is the season of gift giving and let’s all be mindful that the junk we buy our family and friends becomes the  junk they have to nag their kids to pick-up.  The less you have in your house, the less you have to pick up. Remember too that most kid’s favorite game is to fight with their sibling as close to a parent as possible, no legos needed for that game to work.

I resolve to have realistic expectations.

If you have little kids and you travel on vacation, don’t expect much sleep. If you have kids and it’s a holiday, expect runny noses, sore throats and head aches.  If you have kids and you go to a holiday party, expect sugar highs and bed time lows. If you have tweens expect that the sweater, or phone, or book you bought them is completely dorky and for losers. If you have teens expect them to either be out with their friends or asleep. If you have family traditions with tweens and teens expect eye rolls and groans and sarcasm. Keep doing the tradition, but expect the push back. Expect these things and you will have an easier time dealing with them. 

I resolve to take care of myself.

Nag yourself to make your own bed, clean your own room, go outside for some fresh air, find a play date, take a nap, eat something healthy, practice your musical instrument, read a book. Need I say more?

I resolve to be grateful.

We live in a culture where it’s never enough. Never enough money, never a good enough education, never a clean enough house, never a healthy enough meal. We live with an attitude of scarcity. Let’s buck the system and resolve to be grateful for what we have. Let’s live with an attitude of gratitude.  A roof over you head, food to eat, lights that turn on and a little money in the bank is a lot more then most of the world has. 

I resolve to volunteer.

The best way to get that attitude of gratitude is to volunteer your time and services. You don’t even have to get ‘official’": shovel a neighbors walk, have your child decorate a homemade card for your neighbor’s birthday, take a dish to the folks down the street with new twins, pick up some trash in front of the bus stop. There’s always a way to pitch in, and it always makes you feel better.

In Conclusion

The holidays are part magic and part drudgery, part delight and part exhausting.  Resolve to abide by one or two of these resolutions and see if you can glide through the season with more grace and gratitude.