I just got back from a NASAP (North American Society of Adlerian Psychology) Conference. I can't decide if it was the conference or the hotel room all to myself that was the most exhilarating. No matter, in Adlerian Psychology it's best to replace but with AND. What a powerful, powerful parenting tool! Shall we experiment?
To your whining and complaining 9 year old, who you have a gentle arm around, as you escort him to the car, "I understand you hate swimming lessons and everything about them, AND it's time to go."
To yourself after the 7,265th morning you have to go to your child's room to get them up on time, "It's not my fault we have a lot of power struggles in the family, AND it's my responsibility to change my controlling ways to lessen power's impact on us all."
To your teen who is texting furiously on their phones at the dinner table, "I understand it's excruciatingly painful to zip a a goodbye to your boyfriend, AND it's time to pop the phone in the device bowl."
Give it a whirl, transform your buts into AND and see how it changes your thoughts, actions and attitude.
***BONUS - Book List from the conference:
Family Council: Rudolf Dreikurs just has a WAY of being firm, friendly, clear and hopeful. This parenting thing is hard for all of us. Family meetings are one powerful tool - this book can give you insight, practical tips and inspiration. (For more support and ideas, keep an eye out for the PEP's Family Council Workshop!)
****Double Bonus - Fabulous PEP Leader, Patti Cancellier and I presented on the Family Council. We talked about what gets in the way of having regular meetings. . . I love it when I teach what I need to know!
*********Triple Bonus - Lil' Sebastian helped us present . . . . Go ahead, take a minute, say, "Bye Bye Lil' Sebastian"